Porn & Shrimp

If you like to watch porn or look at pictures of nekkid people, beware of shrimp!!!

I almost had to have surgery on my eye. The other week, I went to see a doctor about an ear infection, and while I was there mentioned to him in passing that my right eye was very sore, and had been for several weeks. After examining for me for a few minutes, he informed me that there was a growth on the inside of my eyelid, seemingly caused by some dirt that had probably gotten in there and irritated the eyelid. The growth was pushing against the eyeball, causing the soreness. He said that the growth should be removed surgically before it burst, allowing the pus to infect the rest of my eye.

When the doctor explained my condition to my wife (in Thai), she began giggling uncontrollably. Not exactly the concerned, supportive attitude that this terrified, horrified, infected fellow was looking for from the love of his life.

What I learned is that the Thais have a name for this particular affliction: thah goong ying, or literally “eye shrimp shoot”. The wife told me that Thais teach their children that if they look at dirty pictures, a shrimp will shoot them in the eye and cause thah goong ying.

HUH?!?

I get the whole symbolism about ogling dirty pictures equals dirt in the eye, but what is this about an anti-porn crusading crustacean? And what are they shooting? Shrimp juice? Bullets from a special shrimp gun?

So whenever a school kid would come down with this, all the others would tease him or her about being a naughty naughty child. It seems that my wife revelled at doing this to others when she was younger. She’s not that much different today. After the doc told her what I had, she began crowing “Poh! Poh! Sahmee doo poh poh!!” (or “Porno! Porno! My husband looks at porno!!”).

If I weren’t so freaking scared about the surgery, I would have found this old wives’ tale/schoolground myth to be immensely amusing. Thais really crack me up sometimes.

Fortunately, the antibiotics I was taking up to the scheduled surgery date did a phenomenally miraculous job at wiping out the growth before it had to be cut. Yay!! When the doc had prescribed the meds, he warned me that it would be a rarity for them to completely wipe out the infection given its stage of growth, so I guess the Year of the Rabbit is kicking off to be a very good one for me.

Still, I ain’t pushing my luck. The next time I look at porn, I’m wearing protective goggles and keeping an eye out for marauding shrimp.

7 Comments so far

  1. Baba (unregistered) on February 21st, 2005 @ 8:51 pm

    Haha… that’s such a funny story, although I’m relieved you didn’t have to have surgery. There’s something about eyeballs and surgery that just don’t mix well. Ick.


  2. cog (unregistered) on February 22nd, 2005 @ 12:33 am

    This reminds me of the time a leading expert in medical quackery informed me about the correlation between vision loss and obsessive-compulsive masturbation. My response was: “Mom, I’ll be sure to wear protective eyewear.”

    (ba-dum…bing…tish!)


  3. Marianne (unregistered) on February 22nd, 2005 @ 1:18 am

    LOL! Good post Paul! I’m excited to be in the metroblogs community! woohoo!


  4. Ben Harris (unregistered) on February 22nd, 2005 @ 10:21 am

    I’ll never look at shrimp in the same way again.


  5. him (unregistered) on February 22nd, 2005 @ 11:41 am

    I’l never look at Paul in the same way again (!).


  6. cog (unregistered) on February 22nd, 2005 @ 10:23 pm

    I’ll never look at porn in the same way again! Unfortunately, this includes:
    porntip
    pornnapa
    pornta and
    pornpailin


  7. Lisa (unregistered) on March 1st, 2005 @ 9:43 am

    Hahaha..P’Paul! That’s funny! Better stop looking at those pictures.



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